Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
