Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
