Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
