Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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