yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
