College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
love makes seman taste better
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
