if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
