I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
