R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I could make wine with my vomit
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
