her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
