i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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