Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
