I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
