We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
