God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
