The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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