I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
