I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
