Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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