He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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