im having a threesome with these popsicles
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
