I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
