I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
