Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
