You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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