I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
