Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
