I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
