i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
