There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
