I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
