Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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