I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
