Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
