you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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