You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
