i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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