my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I could fuck to npr.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
