I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just gargled with NyQuil
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
