The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
