hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
