Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
