She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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