New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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