he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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