i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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