i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
