i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
