never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
