He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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