my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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